The snowflake lands on her nose.
“Spring, Mommy?”
Throat tightening, she searches for words, “It’s supposed to be, dear.”
Wonder fills the little girl’s eyes tracing the path as more flakes fall.
Mom wraps her arms around herself, more lingering than just winter’s chill.
I enjoy the child’s questioning of the world around her, natural curiosity captured wonderfully.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you- I was trying to work on my “show don’t tell” after reading some suggested articles from my critique group.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ah, those unspoken truths that the mother can’t/won’t share with her child. You did a nice job of conveying the mother’s angst here. Having both characters as “she” did make me work a little harder than I wanted to to figure out who was being referred to. I wonder how this would read if it was written from the mother’s perspective in first person (so the mother is “I” and the daughter is “she”)?
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s so funny because I thought about this as well, and did make some clarifications before submitting, but it never entered my mind to change the POV. That would have been helpful for clarity, I agree.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh the ending here is saying so much! Lovely work.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you !
LikeLike
It is a mother’s nightmare when her kid questions and she has to hide her feelings or lie.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So true, and what may seem so simple, such as a snowflake in spring, can represent so much more- at least that’s what I was hoping to convey. I was working on my “show don’t tell” after reading some articles suggested to me, and I’m not 100% on how I did with that.
LikeLike
This is lovely and so poignant. And relevant…
LikeLike
Thank you so much!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree with this being relevant. You did a great job here.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much!
LikeLike
I liked how the cold mimicked the mother having to close off the parts of herself that the can’t show and the innocent obliviousness to the child. I think this — more lingering than just winter’s chill. — and me questioning what was lingering as I don’t know what it is modifying in the previous phrase. Thought I would point it out.
LikeLiked by 1 person
By all means, point away! I wanted it to be vague, but do you think it takes away or is just too unclear? I wanted it to be like the snow is lingering but so is whatever has happened to mom that is making her “cold”… does that make sense? Lol
LikeLike
The last line… allowing the reader to take the story forward as they wish. Sad, yet beautiful.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLike
Best Article keep it up!
LikeLike
Thank you so much!
LikeLike