Go Eat A Big, Fat Piece of Humble Pie: 1 Year As A Stay At Home Mom

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Mmmmm… pie.

I’m coming up on my one year anniversary of becoming a stay at home mom. For the most part, it has been an incredible experience, but not one without some serious lessons.

What doesn’t, amirite?

The biggest lesson has been to be more humble, and it’s hit me in a variety of ways.


One of the  big things about becoming a stay at home mom that caused me a lot of anxiety and tears shed was leaving a job that I absolutely loved, a curriculum that I lived and breathed, a school group that was an extension of my body and my heart, and a profession that made up a huge part of my identity. Who was I if I was not the 9th grade English teacher who sometimes struck fear in the hearts of 9th graders yet elicited eye rolls and hidden chuckles with my rewritten rap songs, classroom renditions, and corny jokes?

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I was a teacher- a goofy, strict, pain in the ass, obnoxiously loud, loving, hardworking, good at what I did teacher. And I walked away from it.  It still makes me tear up and makes my heart ache

BUT…

Not as much as not being with my two toddler girls would because…

I am also a mom.

I’m not as educated about being a mother. I fly by the seat of my pants Every. Single. Day.  It has been really hard at times. I have cried a lot, eaten a lot to comfort myself, drank as often as I could, commiserated with other moms that I know… anything I can think of to make it easier and more bearable at times.

I started blogging…

Not only have I been blogging, but I try to get my work out there and published as much as I can. I submitted a children’s story to an actual publisher just before the new year that I had been hanging on to, fearfully and hopefully, for the last two years.  I have entered writing challenges, sometimes on a weekly basis. I have applied for… I don’t even know how many remote positions in the writing and education fields. And I did get one… at an awesome company that I used and loved as an educator writing test preparatory material- something I did on a daily basis as a teacher. I eat and breathe test preparation for Pete’s sake, but it’s a contract position and when there isn’t anything for me to prep, I don’t.

I was told, brainwashed into thinking as I was going through college, that the chances of me getting a teaching job in Pennsylvania were slim to none, and was completely prepared to move out of state in order to obtain my first full time teaching position. The fall after graduation, I graduated in December instead of the spring, I had a full time job. I had never subbed in the district, did not know a soul related to the position, but I got a job. The next year when things were not going so well in my life personally, I managed to get another teaching position at a different district and location. Same thing- no subbing time put in, nor any connections.  I would again replicate the experience six years later as I was looking to relocate again to be closer to my future husband. The third time was definitely more competitive and more difficult, but I accomplished it and thrived at my final teaching destination creating a curriculum and an experience about which I could never have dreamed.

Now, I can’t get a job to save my life. “Your writing style is not a good fit for our content.” General comments made on writing platforms feel personal and vaguely directed at me, yet I have no confirmation of such things as nothing is directly stated. Other bloggers who started after me quickly gain far more followers and are helping to write e-books, and regularly contributing on some major platforms, being asked to even, not simply just applying and being accepted, and it is all a bit demoralizing.

Now it would be completely asinine to think that I shouldn’t have to work hard. I know I need to put my time in. I know I have a lot to learn. I don’t even know that I have fully found myself as a writer yet, my full style, my exact niche, or where I really belong. Maybe I don’t belong anywhere. It’s just a completely different experience than I have ever encountered in my life and when I look at it for what it is, it’s been one of the most humbling experiences of my life. And it’s far from over…

I would never have even thought to enter into this foreign world I find myself floundering in had I not been afforded the opportunity to stay home with my girls. They give me plenty of fodder about which I attempt to write and because of all of this find myself out of my true comfort zone, the classroom, where it seemed I couldn’t do much wrong, and into this pool of  incredible writing fish in which I am just a little minnow.

I never knew how much validation my old job gave me until it wasn’t there any more.

And as I feel I am starting to come off as complaining rather than reflecting, I believe it’s time to wrap this year of SAHMhood up by simply stating that motherhood and all the surprises that come along with it will knock you to your  knees time and time again, in both the positive and negative ways, but even though I feel inadequate at times, I know I have been so fortunate for all of this time with my girls, the attempts to chase a dream I had forgotten existed, and the possibilities which all of that may present, and I just have to keep reminding myself that  this big, fat piece of humble pie not only is so good for me, but it doesn’t really taste that bad either.

In fact, I might just go get another piece…

 

*** Update*** This piece was chosen as Most Inspirational Post for the week at

linky party linky party Inspire Me Monday blogging networking

 

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16 thoughts on “Go Eat A Big, Fat Piece of Humble Pie: 1 Year As A Stay At Home Mom

  1. Wow, just read this after being absent from your blog for ages because of becoming a ‘stay at home daughter’, caring for my elderly parents during a health crisis. So apologies for not being a faithful reader. I am back home now as my over-night care is not needed any more. So it’s less intensive now and I HOPE I can get back to reading other people and writing my own two blogs regularly.

    There is so much I could say here but I think it would run into a blog post of its own! And as I have neglected my own blogs too since being with my parents, I need a new post pretty quickly. You have given me an idea – thank you. I really enjoyed this post and totally get what you are saying. And no, you are not a minnow. In this massive writing pool, there are only two kinds of fish here and they are both huge. There are sharks and dolphins (ok I know dolphins are mammals but y’know, artistic licence and all that 🙂 ).

    The sharks are all about themselves and pretty arrogant. They can make dolphins feel like minnows. You are a dolphin – don’t forget that. Your place in the blogging world is as valid and important as anyone else’s regardless of how long you have been here, how many readers you do or do not have, how many comments you do or do not get or who does or does not like what you write. You are a writer, stick with the dolphins, they are kind, welcoming creatures and love it when more dolphins join the pool.

    I know exactly what you mean about being out of your comfort zone. I was a very busy, successful photojournalist in the hazy past and I thought my years of being a professional magazine and newspaper writer/photographer would make me a natural blogger. Wrong! It is a vastly different world where mediocre writers can get massive followings and very good ones can struggle. I read some incredible, genuine ‘from the heart’ blogs that have very few commenters and some very repetitive, shallow blogs that have tons of comments and followers.

    Just keep swimming in this pool, leap out of the water with joy, smile at the other dolphins and keep being there for your babies – you are doing the absolutely best thing you can possibly do for your children because NO ONE can care for them like their mum.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for reading, the incredible comment, kind encouragement, and your thoughts on the blogging pool!! I can’t wait to read your inspired post. I hope that all is well with your parents you have been caring for and greatly appreciate your feedback!

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    • Being a stay at home daughter taking care of my mum can totally relate with this.And is going through similar phase where I am struggling through being a loyal reader as well as writer but meanwhile not able to keep up with both.So your comments encouraged me .Thank you so much .I have lost readers and commenter and that discouraged me a bit but not now :).

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ugh. Being a writer is a struggle. My biggest passion and arch nemesis all in one. If it’s any consolation, your blog is amazing and I wish I thought of it!

    As far as blogging, I find a lot of the Facebook blogging “tribes” really help for exposure and networking. I was lost without them!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for your comment and suggestions. This may seem weird, but my family doesn’t do facebook. I know it would help the blog in many ways, but I try to get around it as best as I can. Really, a blog was a huge leap for me as I’m a very private person, lol, but desperately wanted to break into the writing world and be able to publish and have writing samples on hand for applications. I guess maybe I struggle so much because I don’t know exactly what I want or how to get there exactly, so I just keep plodding along and feeling my way through this. Thank you for reading!!

      Liked by 2 people

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  4. The writing world is humbling – whether blogs or short stories or novels or whatever. I don’t understand how the whole blog system works at all, why some people get hundreds of hits and others very few. So for me it’s just a matter of rummaging around and trying this and that and following ideas that amuse me. Some of those ideas work and some don’t. Actually plenty don’t! Good for you, submitting a children’s book to a publisher. I hope you’re already working on the next one!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Pingback: Inspire Me Monday Linky Party #115 | Mostly Blogging

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