Well shit!


I thought this was the daily prompt not the photo challenge- so I have a little of both. Lol.


ELAINE I’m sorry this is.. this is kind of embarrassing but.. there’s no toilet paper over here

JANE (from the stall on Elaine’s right)-are you talking to me?

ELAINE yeah.. I I just forgot to check so if you could just spare me some

JANE no I’m sorry

ELAINE what?

JANE no I’m sorry, I can’t spare it

ELAINE you can’t spare it??

JANE no there’s not enough to spare

ELAINE well I don’t need much, just 3 squares will do it

JANE I’m sorry I don’t have a square to spare, now if you don’t mind

ELAINE 3 squares? you can’t spare 3 squares?? 

JANE no I don’t have a square to spare, I can’t spare a square

ELAINE oh is it two-ply? cause it it’s two-ply I’ll take one ply, one ply, one, one puny little ply, I’ll take one measly ply

JANE look, I don’t have a square and I don’t have a ply (flushing and leaving)

Elaine no no, no no, don’t don’t, I beg you

c/o Seinfeld scripts 

The Seinfeld show is the best! Although termed, “a show about nothing”, it is by far one of the wisest, most humorous shows I have ever known. (Don’t start fighting with me about how I am wrong and “some other show” is far superior. I don’t want to hear it.) I can relate so many of the moments in Seinfeld to my own life, or memories in my life it is beyond ridiculous. Take this one for example…

We’ve all been in this situation a time or two. You’re doing your business and go to wrap up the big show, when suddenly your partner in crime, aka toilet paper, goes missing. It’s a crappy predicament- pun intended- but that’s the way life goes. Sometimes you are lucky and a friendly stall neighbor is able to awkwardly hand under the adjoining stall as much of the good stuff as possible, sometimes there is no one there to help at all, and perhaps, just maybe, you get a real stinker, like in this episode with Elaine ,where someone just isn’t willing  to help you out, although totally capable.

This is life isn’t it? Life can be a real shit sometimes. The act itself is metaphorical to life in that sometimes the moon and stars aline just right and it’s the best experience in which one can participate, but not always. Sometimes, you squat and you grunt and you sweat it out, just to have it all splash back on your bum. And life is like that too- things can be going quite grand- your job, your love life, your health all are at their peak and then a few days go by and some complications arise, and no matter how hard you try, you just can’t…. seem to… make…. it work….. itself… out. Finally something breaks loose- a lead in the right direction- or so you think and then… oh no! It’s just a mess!

So what are you supposed to do? As we have seen, you can’t always rely on someone to be there to assist you through your woeful moment. It isn’t very seemly to beg someone in the bathroom of life to lend a square.

To me, it seems there is only one clear solution.

When life gets messy, you’re going to have to hike those pants up, for a little modesty, waddle out to the paper towel dispenser ( pray there aren’t just blow dryers) and take care of matters for yourself. Sometimes we have to get our hand a little dirty because  life doesn’t always spare us a square.

37 thoughts on “Well shit!

  1. Pingback: Spare (Charger) | What's (in) the picture?

  2. “just to have it all splash back on your bum”…that line literally made me laugh out loud. Fabulous post! Loved it! It instantly reminded me of a quote I once read. “You never know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Toilet paper is a perfect example.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. An everyday kinda situation…. I laughed about this one. I dedicated a whole post on my blog about bathroom tissue called, Toilet Paper 101. Though I’ve haven’t thus far been caught in such a predicament without any, I have had to do the infamous passing under the door.

    Great post for today!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Awesome post! Of course, I feel like this most of the time. I haven’t seen a square from life in a couple of decades – my hands are changing colors.

    There’s a lot of sayings we use in the family thanks to Seinfeld. For instance, I quip with, “Is that a Titleist?” when someone finds something out of the norm in the house. Unfortunately, I am the only one who gets it as everyone else looks at me like I’m nuts.

    Liked by 1 person

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